Joan Rivers Talks About Plastic Surgery

Joan Rivers new book Men are Stupid and Like Big Boobs, a just released guide to beauty through plastic surgery. "I did this book because I've done a lot of plastic surgery."
Rivers is unapologetic about her life decisions, most notably about her choice to go under the knife repeatedly. She's had two complete face-lifts, a nose job, an eye lift, a tummy tuck, Botox, lip injections and more. (She has also admitted that she was having liposuction when her husband, Edgar Rosenberg, committed suicide in 1987, an event that left her suicidal and estranged briefly from Melissa.)

Rivers has poked fun at her appearance since her early years onstage. So she took advantage of the flak she's gotten for her fondness of surgery, cracking jokes about it in a Geico commercial and a 2004 stint on "Nip/Tuck."

"I know I look good for my age," she says. "I went out to dinner last night with a couple of friends. We walked into the restaurant and I knew I looked good for who I am and where I am. And that's very nice. When you get to be my age, you'll understand how nice that is. Nobody wants to be shoved in a corner."

WHAT SHE SAYS ABOUT COSMETIC SURGERY

* "God bless the Internet." You can do a little background check on the guy (or woman). "With Kanye West's mother's doctor, Oprah said the guy was good. But the guy had DWIs."
* Ask your hairdresser. "They see everything."
* Choose a doctor who you feel comfortable talking to. who answers your questions thoroughly.
* Go to a specialist. "If you're getting your eyes done, go to an eye guy. If getting your breasts done, go to the breast specialist. It may be boring for them, but so what?"
* If you can afford it, get a cardiologist to sit in during the surgery. "Just in case."
* With Botox and other injectables: "Better they put in too little than too much. I don't want to look like Liza Minelli."
* "Don't be cheap about it. This is you. You can't leave this in the car."
* "Put the money where they can see it."
* When going in for collagen or other injections, make the doctor numb your face or get a presciption for the stuff that numbs you before you go in. "You want to feel nothing."
* "Ask, ask, ask before you go for it."

AND ON SELF-IMPROVEMENT BY MEDICAL MEANS

* "Anyone who doesn't use Botox is an idiot. No, I want to look like a Sharpei; of course you do it."
* "A butt lift is terrific. Of course you don't want to walk around with your butt dragging on the ground."
* "Tightening up the inner arm? How great to be able to wear sleeveless dresses as you get older!"
* The Catholic Church came down on (plastic surgery) early on. "That's why we have ugly nuns."
* "If there hadn't been World War II and the innovations in reconstructive surgery, I'd look terrible."
* "I had my first tummy tuck when I went in for a hysterechtomy. I thought I might as well, since they're slicing me open anyway. When I came out of surgery, I was the only woman smiling in the place.
Everybody else was crying, 'Oh, I can't have children.' I said, 'I can't wait to hit the beach.'"
* Surgery at 90? "I'll let you know, but if you're healthy enough, why not?"
* "At my 50th class reunion at Barnard, half the women looked like us, like they took care of themselves. I didn't want to stand with the others there, the grandmas."
* "I had my breasts made smaller because I wanted to wear great clothes. I never regretted it. That's shallow, but true."


When interviewing celebrities on the red carpet, she states that many people in the business have had some work done. "They will tell you how much money they have. They will tell you about their sex life. They will tell you they murdered their child, and then you'll say, 'Who did your face?' and it's 'Well, I didn't have my face done.' " jokes Rivers. "I find that fascinating. It's the last secret."

While still in college, she went to a dinner party at the home of a family friend, who happened to be Marilyn Monroe's lawyer.

"She was there. I sat next to her," Rivers said. "Marilyn whispered to me, 'Men are stupid and they like big boobs,' though she actually used another term that couldn't be put on the cover of a book."

"I listened to her," Rivers said, portraying herself as a shy innocent at the time and unused to such topics discussed at the dinner table. "I was 18. 'Oh, thank you,' I said."

"But she was right."

Rivers, however, believes that plastic surgery is not about what others, men and women, perceive when they look at you.

"It's about you looking in the mirror and feeling good about what you see," she said. "When you look good, you act differently."

The book is dedicated to all women who are too scared to ask about plastic surgery procedures, the risks and costs," Rivers said. "It's also for my daughter, Melissa, who should take a good look in the mirror."

The comedienne, 75, has had several cosmetic procedures over the past 45 or so years, recounting that she never feared going under the knife from the time of her first nose-thinning experience.

"It never occurred to me to be afraid of the doctor," she said, explaining that she grew up with a physician father and had several relatives in the medical profession.

"Any time you go under, you're taking a risk," she said. "Something can happen."

Choosing the right doctor is essential, Rivers said, though she is a realist when it comes to picking the surgeon she feels most comfortable with, who is the most qualified for the specific procedure.

"Even a thoroughbred trips once in a while," she said. "It could be he's having a bad day or he sneezes."

If a woman has any hesitation about a cosmetic procedure, Rivers advises not going through with it. "Do something little," she said. "Once you've overcome the fear, then do more."

"She's right on point," said island dermatologist Layne Nisenbaum at the conclusion of Rivers' discussion of cosmetic enhancements. "We share the same less-is-more philosophy."

"She takes on a very serious subject, but, you know, makes light of it," "I think it's best to take baby steps if there's any fear involved."